Busy, busy bees

Songs in iMind:

Search for Love--Thugs 'n' Bubbles

With A Little Help From My Friends--The Beatles

Dreams--Fleetwood Mac

This week is going to be one heck of a week! It's the last week of classes. After that, we take our finals and then it's to the mountains for me. Can I just express once again how deeply excited I am to begin my ministry work? I'm so pumped!

Here's a little list of what I'm going through just in this week:

Monday--meeting for final psych lab, work on visual journalism project (LAST ONE!!) SGA Congress meeting

Tuesday--last lab for health due

Wednesday--FREE DAY!

Thursday--last modules for psych due (Thank JESUS!), picnic with my South Dakota buds!

Friday--psych lab final, meet dillon and finally set him and my friend up

It's not as bad as I thought it was. There's just a mixture of social events and academic projects and meetings I have to fulfill. It's all good though. Jesus has my back.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

The Pursuit of happiness...oh yea, and Love

I love love. I love the idea of love. I love the feelings of love. I love watching people fall in love and throw caution to the wind all in the name of love. I love talking about love and the complexities of it. It's such a mysterious thing--love--and confuses so many. This is where I come in. My friends come to me and I basically use the knowledge and wisdom God has graciously given me to advise them.

Take yesterday and the previous months before yesterday. My friend has been crushing on this guy ever since she laid eyes on him. He's such a great guy: adorable, gentlemanly, kind, caring. Just all around a great guy. He was in a date auction and so naturally, my friend and I went. She gave me $100 to bid on him. He was the second to last one to go. Perfect.

The bidding began. The petty $5, $15, $20 were getting hands in the air. It got to $30.

"When are you going in?" my friend anxiously asked me.

"Just wait!" I hushed.

The bids got to $32. I shot my hand up.

"$45."

Everyone turned to look at me. The guy stood there, his face flushed, eyes staring straight at me. He had a sloppy grin slapped on his face. I gave him a flirtatious smile. We were in.

The hands shot up for $46, $47...it finally got to $50. I waited. $51. $52. I shot my hand up for a few $1 rungs. Then it got to $54.

"$60," I said.

It got to $68. I raised my hand for that.

Finally it got to $72.

I raised my hand. "$80." A smirk was planted on my face.

The crowd went nuts. The other guys were jumping around and looking at me like I was nuts. The guy I was bidding for was beside himself. He couldn't believe I went that high. I looked at him again and smiled.

It was down to me and this one girl. She finally quit when we hit $82.

I won. Everyone cheered and he jumped down and came right over. He offered me his arm and had a huge grin on his face.

"Thank you so much! I'm so flattered." he said.

"Don't worry about it. It was fun!" I said.

I went and paid. All the girls' eyes were on us as we walked to the table. I then motioned him with my finger and led him out into the foyer.

"Now I don't know if I can do this or not, but I guess I can because I'm going to. I bought you for someone else. If you could give me your schedule we'll figure something out and go from there if you're okay with it."

He nodded and smiled. "Yea, totally. We'll facebook message or something and figure it out."

I smiled graciously at him. "Great."

We then returned to our table. I can proudly say my friend is such a little actress! She acted shocked, disappointed, etc. She even had me fooled a couple of times.

So now I'm talking to him and trying to figure out what to do about the date.

I absolutely love matchmaking!

However, there's a certain sadness while making other people's happiness happen. I was thinking about this last night while in bed, regaling the event in my head over and over again, planning and scheming. A smile spread across my face as I thought of the endless possibilities for my friend and her crush. Hopefulness filled my soul.

Then a question popped into my head and my face fell.

When will my happiness happen? When will I be the one to find a match? Is it true about matchmakers? We find everyone else happiness and disregard our own?

The thing with matchmakers is, we match others but it's hard to match ourselves. All the scheming and planning doesn't come into account within our own lives. While we have confidence and share that with others about their romantic lives, our own romance is far away. We find love for others, not for ourselves. It's a sad, lonely thought and I wondered last night and now tonight how far will I go throughout life unmatched?

Granted I'm still a freshman. I'm 18 years old, going on 19. I'm young but I'm also an 18-year-old who's never had their first boyfriend, never been kissed, never held hands with a guy. While this may seem joyous to others because I'm so innocent, it's kind of disheartening.

I have confidence. I'm confident in the abilities God has graciously given me. My career has completely taken on a new level. I've catapulted in this journalism world all thanks to Jesus.

I'm frightened, though. I'm climbing so quickly. What if my life gets to the point where I don't have time to date or "the one" for me is lost in within my determination to be the best, to be on top of the ladder, to be as powerful as God allows me? I know He has big plans for me. He's confirmed so much through this past semester and I'm thankful for it. I wouldn't take back anything I've done or accomplished through Jesus Christ because everything has been a blessing on my life. As one woman told me today at my award ceremony, "Compliments like that are God's kisses. He kisses you, giving you affirmation this is what you're supposed to do."

I've expressed these thoughts countless of times. It's been a cycle I just can't seem to get out of. There are so many questions, so many wonderings, so many inquiries I can't seem to shake.

I want to be matched. I want to be loved. I want to find that love. When will he come? When will the love of my life step into my life? Not too long, Lord. Please, don't make me wait too long.

Midnight Realization

Songs on iMind:

Love Story--Taylor Swift

Speed of Sound--Coldplay

Breathe (2 AM)--Anna Nalick

I had a few weeks where God was showing me stuff. Ever since the mission trip, I had feelings for one of the guys who went with us. I was going out of my mind because a part of me was wanting to like him and another part of me reasoned he was leaving in a few months. And then a question popped into my head: What about Luke? Don't you like him anymore?

My mind was wrapped up with confusion and wanting to get out of my immature habits (liking two guys at the same time) and press onward toward just one.

This past week I was fed up. As I lied in my bed Wednesday, I talked to God about it. I talked to Him about everything. After about a few minutes of thinking back and then praying some more, I finally asked God for something. I asked "Lord, if the other is supposed to be in my life, don't take these feelings away. If not, and if Luke is supposed to be the one for me, take those feelings I have for the other and put them towards Luke. I don't want to be split like this. I want one. You know this..." Well, that Saturday, I could safely say that those feelings for the other were gone.

Truthfully, I was a little sad about this. I mean, he was ADORABLE! But then an adorable guy isn't everything God has for me.

What about Luke, you may wonder?

The feelings have transferred to him. I see him almost every day and I'm happier, more free.

Another prayer answered in his favor.

But then I prayed last night and I asked, "Lord, if Luke's supposed to be the one, send me a sign."

Didn't I already? God asked. Amanda, how many times do I have to show you, how many signs do I have to give you to confirm he's the one? That all you have to do is wait and I'll bring him to you?

I gasped. How dumb I've become! Here I've been asking God for sign upon sign ever since I discovered I had feelings for Luke and I still pray for more signs. How much reassurance do I need from GOD to know my feelings are true? Am I really that faithless? Am I really that weak that I have to press God for something He's already given me?

Last night opened my eyes to what He's doing. He has confirmed countless of times. I should just accept this and wait. I know we're supposed to be together so it's just the act of waiting and waiting patiently.

Earth goes round and round

My friends and I went to the earth day festival at centennial park. It was definitely a waterhole for hippies. Ash got a picture of a guy who looks very similar to my dad. It was pretty hilarious. People were listening to music, eating, walking around, climbing trees, and basically just having a grand ol' time.

We split up (my one friend is still mad at Martha. She has good reason to be but not at the expense of Ash and myself. It's getting ridiculous). Martha and I walked around the lake and took pictures while Ash and Amanda took artsy pictures of the festival goers. I still think Martha and I had way more fun. Amanda tends to take like a dozen pictures of one thing and it's kind of annoying after a while. Just saying.

After the festival, we went to Starbucks, got some coffee, then returned to campus. I did some laundry, watched some youtube, and Martha and I went to dinner then for our nightly stroll. While out, we heard some music so we sat on the curb in front of Wright and listened for a bit. We went inside when a girl starting singing and she sounded like a cat in water. Seriously, I'm telling the truth!

I realize this entry is sort of critical of certain folks. Perhaps I'm in a critiquing mood. So kill me.

Here are some pics of the day...

Is there room in the inn?

iMind songs:

Seasons of Love--Rent

Beyond the Sea--Celtic Woman

Too Little, Too Late--JoJo


Housing began yesterday morning.

The rooms had been going like hotcakes. Could you blame them? Belmont has limited on-campus housing. Granted, many students want apartments and such, but that still leaves a pretty good majority who want the on-campus. I was in a suite fellowship with my friends. Our draw times sucked. Basically, Belmont put every student in a lottery draw. My time is at 10:57pm tonight, one of the last.

My friend had her drawtime for last night. She picked a room in TK and we were praying for the suite room since then. All of a sudden, she doesn't want to suite with us anymore. She quickly finds another roommate and now is in a room, totally safe and secure.

She pretty much left us out to dry.

So now we, the three amigas, still have that room she signed up for. We're praying continually for the adjoining room.

I've been in prayer since last night and it seems things are still looking good. My friends have slowly lost faith in the situation but not me. I can't not have faith in Someone who's way bigger than this petty nonsense.

So now we sit and wait. That's the hard part.

Waiting.

It's like class scheduling all over again. Goodness, that was a whirlwind of craziness! But everything came together just fine and this housing thing will too.

I am completely confident in my Jesus. If things go our way, praise the Lord. It'll be a great testimony. If not, well then, we'll know He's got a better plan for us than being with fellow sophs, juniors, and some seniors. We would have to be with freshmen no doubt. And even then that wouldn't be bad.

As a human, but most importantly, as a Christian, I have to keep reminding myself who truly is in control.

It's not us. It's not Belmont. It's God. And He knows exactly what's going to happen.

Write, write, write along

Songs in iMind:

Iris--Goo Goo Dolls

In Christ Alone--Stuart Townsend

She Will Be Loved--Maroon 5

I finished and sent my article to NEED last night. Time to start another. I think I want to do one on one of the doctor's at the University Medical Center at Princeton (UMCP) in Jersey. One of the doctors went to teach some medical procedures in a foreign country. I want to say Cambodia or some other country in Africa. Anyway, I want to write about his experience, how the situation there is, and what people can do to help.

UMCP's maternity ward has begun collecting extra med supplies they don't need, blankets, and other stuff. The doctor has some great pictures, my mom said, too so maybe I'd be able to scan and incorporate those. I'm excited to start another.

Before I can do that, though, I need to start/finish my article for the Vision. I'm writing on the new cigarette rise in price. It's up another dollar. I have to get smokers and non-smokers' opinions on the price rise. Not too hard to do. All I have to do is go to the designated smoking areas around Belmont. There are people there taking a drag every day. The article's due next Thursday so I have to get some questions answered. I'm wondering if students are outraged or are they just going with the flow? They're going to Belmont so some must have daddy's or their own money.

I predict they're upset about it but they aren't ready to give up smoking. Unfortunately.

That's where I am work-wise.

Social-wise I'm a bit confused. Once again, I like two men at the same time. However, I feel like every time I want to see the other, I see Luke, who I feel as though is the one God has for me. It's strange. I prayed to God that if the other isn't anything, then take the feelings away. Take the flutters and the longing away and gear it towards Luke. After I prayed last night, I'm not as hyper-active romantically like I was last night. I'm chill for now but still miss the other. I suppose it's going to take time and interaction with Luke to take these feelings for the other away. Luke said he liked my haircut which was really sweet. At least he noticed.

I'm such a girl! haha Everyone tells me, "I don't know what you see in him." And I concur. I don't know what I see in him either. There's just something about him that's special. There's an innocence, a strength, a caring spirit that wants to love and be loved in return. I admire that. I also admire him for sticking to his studies and what God has planned for him instead of chasing girls and the things of this world. He's got a strong ego and I sit back and see my life and wonder, "Shouldn't I be the same? Shouldn't I be concerned with God's plan and not with getting a boyfriend right now?" It's easy to say I want to be totally wrapped up in work and writing and bettering my college career. It's hard to do.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Yea, no kidding! A huge part of me is wanting to climb the ladder of success and get better at writing and see where God takes me. But then another part of me says "I don't want to climb alone." I have Jesus, yes. He's more than enough for me. But, like Adam and Eve, I need a partner. I get lonely sometimes, it's true. I'm getting to that age where I'm scared to start climbing up the rungs alone because I feel like I'll be too far up for a man to catch up. And then I get to the top of the ladder. Sure, I'd be successful and well-known but what's the point of success if you can't share it with anyone?

Just a thought.

short, straight to the point

Songs in iMind:

Suddenly I See-- KT Tunstall

You Raise Me Up--Josh Groban

Time After Time--Cyndi Lauper

The beautiful weather of yesterday has been replaced by a chilly, cloudy Tuesday. Eh. What can you do?

I got my article back from Journalism Practicum I. Let's just say I OWNED that article! Got an A woot! woot!

Short entry. Not much going on. I'm finishing up my article for NEED and then working on my article for the Vision. Same old, same old.

Changes ♥

Songs in iMind:

Everywhere--Michelle Branch

Everybody's Got a Water Buffalo--Larry the Cucumber (what??)

Foxy Lady--Jimi Hendrix



It's a sunny 70 degrees here in good ol' Nashville! What a great Easter Monday.

Yes, I'm blogging which means I've returned from Jersey, ready to finish this semester with a bang. Only three weeks left until finals and then it's finals, move-out day, my birthday =), and then moving up to the mountains to begin my job. I can NOT believe May is almost here! 2009 is almost halfway over!!

Goodness.

My roommate (the inconsiderate one) has strep throat. This means she's going to be even more inconsiderate because she's sick. She's got this thing she does when she coughs. She like hacks...it sounds like a cat trying to cough up a hairball. You probably didn't need to know that but, hey, you just get to hear about it. I live with it! I hope your Easters were spectacular.

I got my hair cut over the break. Yes, I have pictures lol My mom's surprise for me on Wednesday was a spa day. I got a facial, she got a massage, and then we both got manicures. We went shopping, had lunch with my grandmom and just spent a lot of time talking and having mom/daughter time. It was great!

The rest of the days flew by and all too soon I found myself in my friend's car driving home from the airport. Ah well...My fam will be here in a few weeks so it's not too too bad.

Anyway, here's the herr...

before

after

the back

comment and tell me what you think! =)

these faces and these places are getting old

I'm coming home

to a place where I belong

where your love has always been

enough for me

Home--Chris Daughtry

I'm finally packed! After today, it'll be a breeze to go to classes and do the one interview I have. I'm so excited to finally be going home. As you know, I didn't go home for spring break so the feeling of needing to be home has become apparant and really has been on my mind since I got back from the trip. But now, I'm packed, done. I'm going to do my quizzes for psych, make my bed (cleaned the sheets today. WOO!) and go to sleeeeep.

My friends and I went to a spin class today. Yes, it was difficult. Yes, it was painful. And yes, it was HELL! But, hey, we survived =)

No, it wasn't that bad. In the beginning it was difficult to set my pace and get used to the thing. I haven't been on a stationary bike since, I don't know, last summer for a quick basement gym session? lol The instructor really worked us tonight, though. I feel refreshed and energized, which probably isn't a good thing considering it's 10pm and I have class tomorrow at 9:30.

I don't know if I'll be able to contain my excitement while sitting through my classes. It'll be difficult to concentrate during the interview. Yes, I'm a journalist, but I also am a huge family girl so family definitely beats anything! Alas, my flight is at 7pm.

Blogging may be a bit difficult during the break because 1) like i said, family is more important than blogging or facebook and 2) our internet at home is soooo slow because we're rural. The wireless hasn't been brought to our part of the woods yet.

Okay, ya'll. I'll write when I get back. Have a wonderful, blessed Easter break!!

disrespect, that's what it is.

I wake up in a sour mood. No, not sour mood. No, I'm pissed with a capital P!

Ash and I went to bed around 1am last night. The crazy, selfish, thinks-the-world-revolves-around-her roommate hadn't come in yet. I was just about to sleep when I hear the jingling of her keys. When she opened the lock, she sounded as if she was busting the door down. Didn't have a problem because I'm pretty used to her being as loud as can be. I swear, if she was in war or something, she'd probably get captured because she's so frickin' loud. I'm just telling the truth...so then she proceeds to enter the room. I don't know if she was tripping over crap or what but she was banging crap like nobody's business. Then, and this is what pissed me off, she goes and turns her lamp on.
Now mind you, I don't have a problem with lamps. It's when the frickin thing doesn't have a SHADE on it. Okay, so picture two roommates asleep and the other turns a lamp on without a shade so the room is lit up like a frickin Christmas tree. I wanted to slap her silly. Total disregard for other people. Total disrespect.

Before that, she was already on my nerves because she brought a guy up to the room and he goes and says something disrespectful about ash and me. It wasn't earth shattering but seriously, you don't come into someone's room and disrespect them. Like who the heck (I'm trying to water my language down because that word is nowhere near what I'm saying in my head) does he think he is? I didn't say anything because I was on the phone with my brothers and I didn't want them hearing me cursing out a jackass. The worse thing was that my roommate was already buzzed/drunk when she walked in the door only to walk out again.

And then she has the audacity to text my friend who was in the room and say sorry. Like, seriously? Don't frickin apologize to my friend. Apologize to me and Ash. We frickin live here. Again, disrespect.

I swear, I've never had to deal with a person so wrapped up in themselves and all I need is an opening to where she apologizes to us for last night or something so I can tell her off FINALLY! This has been going on all year and all this is like boiling over...

Trying to calm down through writing but it's just not doing the trick. She needs to know her place and that she's not better than the rest of us.

roadrunners and death

Now playing in iMind:

Something Beautiful--Newsboys

Don't Stop Believing--Journey

Beyond the Sea--Celtic Woman

Under Pressure--Queen

No, no one died.

I feel like I'm going to, though! I'm so antsy for Easter break; all of these stupid projects need to pack their crap up and leave me alone! I don't understand why teachers wait before a break to slam us students with monotonous, super crazy projects.

Honestly, it's not that bad lol. I just want to go back to Jersey where flipping someone off while driving is as common as hitting up WaWa for a hoagie and slurpee. Oh, Jersey, how I love and miss thee. Between having to write basically everyday and having to be nice and keep things I want to express to one of my roommates 24/7, I'm ready to be around people who really don't give a crap. As bad as that sounds, it's the gospel truth!

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely adore Nashville and the "niceness" of Tennessee. But, after being around tough, rough people for 18 years, I've grown accustomed to being able to say whatever whenever.

Case in point, I need Jersey. Desperately. This is the longest I've been away from home. Am I homesick? Eh. A little, maybe? I don't know. I love being on my own but then a part of me yearns (yes, I yearn) for the open spaces and fast living that is my home state.

Here's a list of stuff I need to get done by Tuesday night (my flight is 7pm. WOO!)

Saturday: Connect article, start blog for NEED

Sunday: Finish Connect article, pre-class quizzes must be done (31, 32, 44, 46) oy vay...

Monday: interview art teacher for article--9am, start and finish visual journalism project, environmentalism study--10am, finish portfolio for health (what?! ugh)

Tuesday: Connect article due, interview dr. curtis--2pm

After all of this is done, it's goodbye Nashville, helloooooo JERSEY!

Give me one of those!

I have yet another blog.

Yes, I’ve succumb to getting yet another page where I can write about everyting and anything.

This writing thing is addictive. The new one is on wordpress.com. The page shows how many people have viewed your page. The only problem I have with that is you don’t know who is looking at your page. IT’s kind of creepy or maybe I’m being paranoid? Perhaps.

I’m starting research and interviews for my first blog for NEED. It’s pretty exciting! Before you know it, you’ll see my name everywhere and it’s all thanks to Jesus. He really is wonderful, isn’t He?

It’s a bright, beautiful day here in Nashville. It’s still a bit chilly but no matter. There’s sun.
I see I could become trapped in rambling so it’s probably best I stop now. Have a fantastical day everyone!