Midnight Realization

Songs on iMind:

Love Story--Taylor Swift

Speed of Sound--Coldplay

Breathe (2 AM)--Anna Nalick

I had a few weeks where God was showing me stuff. Ever since the mission trip, I had feelings for one of the guys who went with us. I was going out of my mind because a part of me was wanting to like him and another part of me reasoned he was leaving in a few months. And then a question popped into my head: What about Luke? Don't you like him anymore?

My mind was wrapped up with confusion and wanting to get out of my immature habits (liking two guys at the same time) and press onward toward just one.

This past week I was fed up. As I lied in my bed Wednesday, I talked to God about it. I talked to Him about everything. After about a few minutes of thinking back and then praying some more, I finally asked God for something. I asked "Lord, if the other is supposed to be in my life, don't take these feelings away. If not, and if Luke is supposed to be the one for me, take those feelings I have for the other and put them towards Luke. I don't want to be split like this. I want one. You know this..." Well, that Saturday, I could safely say that those feelings for the other were gone.

Truthfully, I was a little sad about this. I mean, he was ADORABLE! But then an adorable guy isn't everything God has for me.

What about Luke, you may wonder?

The feelings have transferred to him. I see him almost every day and I'm happier, more free.

Another prayer answered in his favor.

But then I prayed last night and I asked, "Lord, if Luke's supposed to be the one, send me a sign."

Didn't I already? God asked. Amanda, how many times do I have to show you, how many signs do I have to give you to confirm he's the one? That all you have to do is wait and I'll bring him to you?

I gasped. How dumb I've become! Here I've been asking God for sign upon sign ever since I discovered I had feelings for Luke and I still pray for more signs. How much reassurance do I need from GOD to know my feelings are true? Am I really that faithless? Am I really that weak that I have to press God for something He's already given me?

Last night opened my eyes to what He's doing. He has confirmed countless of times. I should just accept this and wait. I know we're supposed to be together so it's just the act of waiting and waiting patiently.