bittersweet first

for those of you who actually read my almost daily ramblings, you know that i started my first day of my last year as a high school student. when i walked through the doors, i could not believe 10 months later, i will be graduating and starting on a new path. i'm so excited and the senioritis bug has definitely bitten me in the rump! i'm so ready to get accepted it's not even funny. as much as i would LOVE to stick around the 100 acre or so high school i've called "my second home" (seriously, i have no life outside of it) for 13 yrs now, there's a HUGE part of me who wants to go out into the world and take it over by storm. however, before my conquest physics, ap english, economics, yearbook, art history, spanish 2, and bible must be accomplished.

physics, yearbook, economics, and bible are this semester. physics will probably be a challenge (we got hw today. who gives hw the first day?!). BUT a plus! lots of labwork gets done and that's the easiest way i can learn the material so it should all balance out. i AM on the yearbook staff...somehow bro. newman got me on there! THANK YOU AGAIN!!! so getting everyone and everything organized and planned will take place VERY soon. oo another plus! my drama teacher, sis brown, is the creative advisor so she's gonna be helping out, much to my delight because she's so awesome! economics is taught by bro. z so that should be a real easy subject to grasp because he makes everything so simple to understand. lots of cool things going on there AND we learn how to manage money. PERFECT!!! bible is...well, bible. pretty self-explanatory haha.
so yea that's it...sorry my past two (now three) posts have been picture-less. i promise pics will come very shortly!!






"well, therapists are..." "are what? smart?"

these are the apps that never end...

they just go on...and on....AND ON!

yes college applications are being filled out as i type (well, not as i type. they're on the kitchen table...). who knew colleges wanted to know so much about me? you'd think because they get SO many applications sent in, they would want to make it short, sweet, simple while, at the same time, not being such a burden.
don't get me wrong. i am SO excited filling these babies out. the only problem is the length haha and i have to write essays why i think i should be accepted. i reallllyyyy dont like talking about myself. for some reason i feel like i'm being snotty and sporting the oh-look-at-me-and-all-my-wonders attitude. i dont like it. doesn't matter how much i hate it, the task must be done. <--been running through my mind since 3am when i printed the apps out. yea i know. i'm crazy.
so after a dinner of sausage and corvelli(?) pasta and a yummy salad, back to the apps i go.
wish me luck!!!





"flying high into the bright blue yonder"

as i open the shade in the dining room all i see is dark clouds and light rain. this is the third day in a row for rain. i am slowly sinking into madness. but thankfully, i will be able to go to youth group and see my best friend FINALLY! i haven't been able to see beth anne because she she hasn't been going to teens. she has a job and they wanted her to work 2 wednesdays. then, i wasn't able to go see her before she went to NC, missing yet another week. so, hopefully, mi madre will be able to drive jill and i to church so the bff's can be reunited.
school starts next week but she has GIFTS for me from nc! if you're wondering why she traveled there....beth anne went to visit some colleges, visit her grandparents, and relatives. she visited one college, Gardner-Web, and absolutely adores it! i think God's calling her to go there because she said they didn't even park in the parking lot when she felt like she was home. i just pray that feeling will come over me as i go visit my colleges next month.

enough of my rambling...maybe i'll go biking in the rain like yesterday...




"in the water i remain"

dinner on us!

Jill came over yesterday so we could cook up some dinner. My mom and i picked her up and while we were on our way to Shop Rite, we looked through her cookbook and found a great recipe for dessert and the entree'. the salad was our own concoction. =) we spent like an hour in the store, trying to get everything we needed without the aid of a list or my mom (she went around the store by herself and picked up some reg food). jill and i were able to find everything except corn starch and green onions. i didn't even know green onions existed! okay, fine. you can think i'm dumb but seriously all i heard of were red and white ones. the corn starch was nowhere to be found. i don't know why but the only one we could find was something from the healthy aisle and jill didn't want to use that because "it has organic crap in it". the only question i have is: why in the world is corn starch in the health food aisle? doesn't that defeat the purpose of it being a health food aisle when you have STARCH among the organic products? ehh. that's jersey for ya. haha just kidding. love jersey!! moving on...
instead of being able to get green onions (they were out...) we used a red onion. my mom said we already had corn starch so that was great. there were some really cute guys in the store and we spent the rest of the time, trying to go down the aisles with the cute stacking guys to see if they would pay us any attention. yea we're dorks. but it was fun!
we came home and began to cook. we decided to do the dessert first since it took 25 minutes to cook. by the time it cooled, we would be done dinner. we made a peach, strawberry cobbler with honey bunches of oats with almonds as the crunchy topping. yumsters! we finished that and put it in the oven while we turned our attention to the main dish. we decided on a chicken teriyaki with snow peas, red onion, and red peppers over some white rice. quick and easy. only 25 minutes for the entire thing, including prep time. the chicken was kind of hard to cut because it tried to slide away from the blade. oh well! we got it done. Jill was in charge of the skillet while i cut up the veggies for the salad. spring mix with grape tomato halves, yellow and red peppers, onions, and kraft cheese crumbles on top. everything was ready in about 2 hours. not bad for the first NE friends' cook day =)

the result--everyone loved it! my dad had two servings which means it's very good! Everything was cooked to perfection and the best part was not having my mom cook for once. she could just sit, relax, and enjoy the meal. also, cooking with jill is so much fun! we're planning on going over her house and cooking for her mom....so all in all a great evening spent. =D

"i do not understand"

an amazing feeling!!!

The Hills premiered monday night, much to my excitement. this season seems like it's gonna be a very dramatic one, full of surprises! Lauren isn't friends with Heidi anymore because Heidi and her new fiance' (ugh, i know) Spencer spread a rumor about Lauren and her ex boyfriend that they put out inappropriate tapes on the internet. Heidi and Spencer got a condo together last season and are getting married. Audrina is with an old flame who supposedly left her in Vegas a few years back. i don't think it'll last but w/e. makes for good tv. whitney is lauren's new boss because she got a promotion! woohoo! so yea i think that's it....so happy they're back! i absolutely LOVE that show!!!

Anyway, let me tell you about tonight. I'm brimming with happiness and am so ecstatic! God is oh, so good! I went to teens (youth group) with jill. everyone was there it seemed like. the seniors from last year were there and we were talking to them about going off to college. the majority are very excited. Dana though is kinda down because she's already homesick and she hasn't left yet. i think it's because she's very close to her family so it's hard to leave them but i think she'll get over it and have fun. she'll come back and be like "oh, i want to go back to college so bad!"

Today's sermon was given by Pastor Dave and he talked about getting out of your box, using everything you have to serve God. He had an alter call. I wasn't gonna go up but my feet kinda walked me up to the front and before i knew i was there, bowing my head. i was like "Lord, i don't know why i'm here. my feet just kinda...dragged me up here so..." i started to pray. i prayed for my senior year, for Him to use me and to help me with college stuff. the worship team begins to sing and i bow my head and sing as well. i'm in praise mode when my mind suddenly goes blank. no words or anything running in my head just...silence. i didn't open my eyes at all. And, an hour earlier, when we were singing, i closed my eyes and didn't open them for the longest time, just trying to soak anything God had for me. but anyway, so there i am, my body in total praise when i gently lower my hands and pray "Lord, You know i want a boyfriend. but please, just give me patience..." no sooner had i said those words but my friend Michelle comes to pray for me. she lays her hands on me and begins to speak in tongues. then she leans in and says in my ear "Amanda, you're gonna have a boyfriend this year" i wanted to open my eyes and look at her to see if she was joking! i was like woah, what? i just prayed for that in my mind. how'd she know....then i knew. God had confirmed it. A few minutes later, she told me God wanted her to come up to me and tell me Jesus loved me. But i think she did a little more than that! i'm so excited right now. i just want to tell soooo many people! this confirmation thing has NEVER EVER happened to me before. it was just...so quick! i feel so rejuvinated and refreshed. i want to literally get up on a rooftop and shout Jesus' name! that's how great i feel! so much thanksgiving and wonderous feelings are welled up inside me. so awesome!!! yea, i'm happy =)













"name above all names. you are worthy of my praise. my heart will sing how great is our God"

it's a beautiful day

i have been listening to JG's cd for the past couple of days. i have about 5 of them memorized! yea, i'm a dork. All'improvviso Amore is definately my fave right now, along with When You Say You Love Me (my future wedding song ;)), You Raise Me Up, Broken Vow, and Remember When It Rained.

today is SUCH a beautiful day. it rained like crazy yesterday so there's a break of the heat. the sky is a clear blue, a few white puffy clouds, and the sun shines on the bright green grass. ahh, that's how i like it :) Adam came home from Fl yesterday. he's now a flight instructor and has a job at the airport, so he's hardly ever home, which is good! the more people out of the house, the more cleaning that gets done (happy, happy, joy, joy). we're all really proud of him and i'm amazed. he's only 21 yrs old and he's teaching people how to FLY AIRPLANES! it's insane. but cool, very very cool.

as for me, scholarship searching has been in full swing. whenever i get a chance, i'm looking up stuff on fastweb.com (an excellent source to find scholarships, colleges, etc). hopefully, i can win some money...okay, a LOT of money. i'm getting as many as i can so it wont be such a burden on me or my parents. my friends are beginning to get ready to go to college. it's amazing. this time next year i'll be doing the same thing. never thought i'd get this far...maybe because it felt soooo far away. not anymoreeee. very exciting.



welp that's it. laundry is getting done, piles are diminishing because we're finally able to hang teh majority on the clothesline. supposed to go to the store to get food and then some other stuff. so....that's it.

ciao!









"silently the senses abandon their defenses, helpless to resist the notes i write"

happy camper

we picked up my mom's van. we have air conditioning again!! woohoo! you never count something so small as having air conditioning in the car a blessing but ride around a month without it. i am so thankful! haha. the thing that struck me as funny was the reason why the air didn't come out as much as it's supposed to was because a very small vaccum was clogged. such a small part caused us discomfort. every part is important in a car, on stage, in life, i thought. so next time i begin to complain i'm not in the spotlight or don't have much, someone please slap me with a nasty comment, yelling at me to be thankful. haha. off to target we went in our fixed vehicle. and guess what i FINALLY bought? yupppp Closer by JG and Call Me Irresponsible by michael buble'. i was so happy i was able to find the cds. a little part of me doubted that they would have JG's cd since it's like...what? 4 yrs old. but they did and i'm ecstatic. actually, i'm listening to it at this very moment i'm typing. :-)

today is my dad's birthday. happy birthday dad! he's 47...yea, i know old. just kidding!! actually he only has a few white hairs in his beard and the sides of his head. the rest of his long hair is dark brown. hopefully i inherited his hair because then i won't have to color until i'm like 45. woohoo for lithuanian hair!!! hahaha. he expressed to us that he doesn't want a birthday cake. why? because he's ''dieting''. i rolled my eyes and was like "well, we're getting a cake because I want cake." my mom laughed. but instead of getting the 3000 calorie cake like every year, we're going to go a little healthy, pound cake, strawberries, blueberries, and whipped cream. mom got some Weight Watcher cakes and we're gonna put a candle on one of them and give it to him. should be pretty funny.

the only thing i'm annoyed with is that he didn't tell us what he wanted! his dream is to get a road king motorcycle. he has a motorcycle, a harley fat boy. my mom was like "you don't want a road king, those are for old farts." this is true, but my dad is set in his ways and wants one. but he's not gettin one because 1) like i said he already has a motorcycle and 2) i need a car. haha. he's gonna spend his money on ME. wow that sounded way spoiled-ish. but before you all point at me and say "ugh, another bratty girl" the parents did say they would buy one for me. a NICE one. so i think i have a small right to voice the previous statement. :-)

he also wants gym equipment, which is somewhat reasonable. maybe we'll all go tomorrow or the next day and look at stuff. my mom'll buy whatever he wants and he'll be satisfied. right now though, i think all we're doing today is singing 'happy birthday' to him.

welp, now that i've described my afternoon and what i'm up to later on tonight, i believe i'm going to go take a dip in the pool. it's another hot day.

"you think you've seen the sun but you ain't seen it shine"

i will His gates with thanksgiving in my heart

update on how tommy's doing: he's doing much better. he is out of the coma and off the breathing machine! woohoo!! he still isn't speaking but, hey, his lungs are able to support him so that is amazing. the doctors said he'll be fine eventually. thank you all so much for lifting him in prayer. it means a lot to all of us ♥
my dad returns from his trip either tomorrow or wednesday, his birthday. he was in better spirits, talking to my mom on the phone today, than he was when he first got in w VA. i think it's just the relief of seeing tommy is okay. God is just so good. my heart is overwhelmed with thanksgiving and love. God is just...amazing.
today, i hardly did anything. a load or two of laundry. the sky looked like it was gonna open up and soak the earth with water, so i didn't do so much which really got me mad. but oh well, tomorrow hopefully i'll be able to do more. or maybe, by the grace of God, i'll finally be able to get Closer and the new cd from michael buble'. i'm praying. haha.


"monseir is cuckoo"

pain

praying against tragedy that wants to bust the walls of our comfortable lives. my dad has to travel to west VA tomorrow to visit a friend of the family who's been hospitalized.
RECAP: last week, my dad's pastor friend traveled to west VA for a revival that was being held. tommy (friend of the family) testified to what the Lord had/has been doing in his life. on a motorcycle run, a car pulled out from an intersection. not wanting to slam into the car, tommy dumped his motorcycle. he was only going 25 mph but he suffered from a punctured lung, some cracked ribs, and the doctors thought there was blood around his brain. the next day they said there wasnt any blood on the brain so they sent him to a rehab center. a few days later, today, they found there is blood on his brain. air-lifted to the hospital he's now in intensive care, in a coma, on life support. no one knows what's going to happen so my dad and his pastor friend are traveling tomorrow to see him.
my aunts and cousin were over when he got the call from my uncle, telling him the latest. the look in my dad's eyes when he told us. oh my gosh, i think it took all he had to not scream and wail.
see, just last month we lost the founder of my dad's motorcycle ministry. the Lord took him home. he was like a grandfather to me; every time he would hug me, i felt so loved. he's gone from this earth now and if tommy went...it would be too much to bear. already my dad is becoming weak. he can't take this anymore. if God called tommy home...
i cried in my closet today. i really dont talk about when i cry but under the circumstances i think it's okay i discuss what i felt. so with knees resting on the floor, i cried in prayer to God, pleading with Him to give tommy some more work to do on earth so he doesn't have to leave us. i know the Bible says "His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts" but i just prayed that maybe somehow He could change His mind and heal tommy, bring him back to the living as it were.
i wasn't really crying for myself. i was crying for my dad, for all this pain he's going through. my mom is feeling it too but not as much as i know my dad is. i just PRAY things turn for the better. after my tears were spent, i was silent, hoping God would whisper to me. the only word though that entered my mind over and over again was Father.
perhaps all i should, all we CAN do, is put our trust in our Father. He knows what He's doing, even though it seems way wack to us, He knows what He's doing. There's a reason why He's taking all these die-hard christians. i just hope He takes all of us very soon so we all can be reunited again.
Father...such a simple word but with so much meaning. i have a feeling though that things will get better. is that the truth or my own hopeful thoughts? i have no idea. maybe a bit of both?
if anyone reads this, though, please pray for tommy. please.



"above all i live for Your glory"

big, beautiful, white teeth

like i mentioned yesterday, i had to go to the dentist. all day today i was worried my gums would bleed or my teeth would be smothered with plaque, yea, a real pleasing picture i'm making isn't it? haha. but when i sat in that leather seat and the dentist assistant checked my teeth she was happy to say i hardly had any plaque. WOOHOO!! that's always great to hear AND my gums didn't bleed. =) i'm a very happy chica right about now. the only thing is, my wisdom teeth are coming in and my mouth isn't big enough to hold them. sooo gotta get them taken out. i dont think it'll be that bad because the teeth are in the middle of their movement. it was funny because when i told my dad he started freakin' out. he was telling me about the pain and the treatment blah blah blah. i guess getting my wisdom teeth out is just another example that his little girl is growing up.
i was thinking about that a few weeks ago. i'm a senior this year and soon i'll be graduating high school and entering the 'real world'. you'd think i would be a little intimidated but i'm okay with it. the only thing that's gonna be hard is going to be leaving my mom and dad. brothers are okay because they don't get all emotional. they're just like "yea, you'll be home in like 3 months." not so with my parents. every time my mom thinks about me leaving she starts to tear up. then i feel sad and i start tearing up because i dont want her to be tearing up. so we're two women driving down the highway tearing up! it's insane. i guess she's gonna be a blubbering mess when the graduation actually comes. my dad doesn't even want to hear about me leaving because he gets all upset. it's nice, i'm glad he cares but i don't want him to be so...attached haha. we're tight-knit so it will be kind of hard. but it must be done =)

wow, i don't know how in the world i got from my teeth to talking about graduation. i guess that's how my mind works haha! now to enjoy a pasta dish my mom has been cooking up. bow-tie pasta, diced tomatoes, and grilled chicken. looks so good and i'm starved!


"you're a shinin' star no matter who you are"

hot & sweaty

it's a hot one today, folks! by the time i got back from the dentist and shopping, i was sweating like i've never sweated before, except in a gym haha. even though the humidity is like death, it's still very pretty outside. the sky is soo blue, i love it when it's like that! my brothers had to go to the dentist and i accompanied them. alan has a cavity (poor him) and austin is cavity-free but they want to do this thing where they scrape off some of his gum so that his teeth show more. i don't know what it's called but how my mom was describing it, the procedure didn't seem appealing. while they were getting checked, i had to sit on the couch and practically twiddle my thumbs. our dentist really needs to subscribe to vogue, marie claire, seventeen mag, SOMETHING! oy vay, was it brutal! haha. i have to go back tomorrow because it's my turn. woohoo! (can you hear the sarcasm in my typing?) after the dentist, we went to wal-mart (HATE IT) and got some home supplies. i desperately wanted to go to target, not just because it's a better store, but they have the music like right next to the laundry stuff, so i could have walked over and picked out Closer by Josh Groban and a new purse. but, i guess that's gonna have to wait for another day. why couldn't hamilton have put in a target instead of a wal-mart? RED is better!!!
so now after shopping and my recent ranting haha, i am sitting, writing to all of you, waiting for the pizza to come out of the oven and for the X Games to finally start. yes, i am a girl who enjoys watching the event. mostly just the motocross stuff, because it's really cool how they can flip their bikes and themselves while airborne. scary but cool nonetheless. should be very interesting this year...wonder what pastrana is gonna do this time, since he's already done the so-dangerous-i-think-i'm-gonna-faint double backflip. guess i'll have to wait and see. =)




"i am strong when i am on Your shoulders"

troubling

recently i've been struggling with keeping up with my Bible reading. Every day i wake up and know i should read the Word, even if it's just five minutes. It even beckons to me. God lays it on my heart to read. so why don't i do it? i can't spare 5 minutes with the Lord when He's done so much in my life? i read my bible today, just a few minutes ago. i'm in 2nd Kings. David is praising God because He's been so good, protecting david from all kinds of evil because his heart is away from sin and connected to God. i always wanted to be like david, so close to God, so intune with Him. if this is what i desire, why don't i kick my butt into gear and be the Christian i'm supposed to be? Like i said before, God has done so much for me. He's given me clarity for my future, a great school, family, friends who are like sisters to me. so why can't i give Him some time out of my "busy" day, read the Bible, and please Him? i began to read just now and a huge pressure of shame and guilt welled up inside me. it's clear to me now why i had such a hard time stopping the avalanche effect of my cursing. i wasn't in the Word so my conscience, though still feeling guilty, was numb to God's forgiveness and blind to the path of righteousness. Now though, thanks to reading today, i hope i come to my senses, the stupid human being i am, and get back on track with the Lord so He can really move in my life.

proud to be a virgin!

while the sound of riverdance music blares through my speakers, i write. let's cut the dramatics, shall we? haha. was awaken by my dad at 7:10am. he reminded me i had to go to the doctor's office today. my mom clearly stated yesterday, i was allowed to sleep until 8. so i groaned and closed my eyes again. an hour and five minutes later i rose from my bed and quickly changed my clothes. if i went downstairs in my pj's my mom would have rushed me. so, changing into a tube top and jeans i followed my hungry-eyed fat cats, smokey and starlight, down the stairs to the basement. finished feeding them, i moved onto the small 8 pounder, savannah. battling my dog to get out of the way of the door, i finished feeding and letting savannah go outside to roam the countryside. cleaning myself up and grabbing a bagel, my mom and i headed to princeton to the doctor's.
physical, blood work, hpv cervical shot, and meningococcal shot. what struck me as odd though is my doctor talked to me about the hpv shot and said it was even given to girls as young as 9 yrs old. 9 year-olds being sexually active?? this was a shock to me. i am 17 yrs old and have never kissed a guy! these girls are in what? 4th 5th grade, and they're sexually active. having sex. being with a guy and having sexual relations. it's so sad.
i can only ask myself what is this world coming to? what will my children have to face when they're my age and even younger? all these new diseases are coming to light and thankfully, some have vaccines. but what about the ones that can't be treated? what then? what are we supposed to do? and i know some don't think it's a big deal that people are out there having sex. "it's their right, their decision, their life." yes, but what if they catch a disease and become pregnant. that baby has a high chance of contracting the same disease. when they grow up they can pass it on to someone else and then to someone else. do you see how the cycle starts? just because someone couldn't keep their emotions under control and they're legs closed. i know i can't change the entire world, that will have to wait another day (haha). but for now i can stress that having sex out of the protection of marriage is wrong and detrimental to the physical and emotional states of its participants. i can not stress enough to try all you can to abstain from having sex. yes, people think it's more fun but why have fun if it can be deadly? i'd rather have fun knowing i can't get hurt in any way then to risk having the experience (which may be pleasurable at the moment) and getting hurt for years and years to come.


so now from the hpv vaccine my muscle kind of hurts. gonna eat something, heading to the store, hopefully can buy josh groban's cd closer. woo! need some new/old music from him and perhaps i will buy a new purse. i'm sick of this Guess one, even though it's fabulous, time for a change =). going to youth group later on with jill.