The fire

There's been a week-long convocation event called Sex & the Soul. It's basically a week where we explore sexuality and spirituality. The speakers are awesome and the worship afterwards...

All last semester I felt--empty. Truly empty and dry and just struggling with my relationship with the Lord. I got pounded hard and was bombarded with so much stuff. I was getting out of line, falling back into old habits that I despised, ones I didn't want to revisit. While I was struggling, not once did the Lord leave my side. He instilled in me the motivation to pick up my Bible and read His word, even when I just wanted to crawl into bed and forget about all the stuff that I did that day, the Holy Spirit worked in my heart and would not let me sleep unless I opened the Word and got fed.

I've been in valleys before, dry spells, and it's just really difficult. You begin to question things you know are solid and are backed up with the Word. I began to wonder if I really was a Christian. Was it all a facade? Was it all just a game? Something that gets us through day after day? Maybe if we had a hope, it would make days seem "easier"? I didn't have questions about whether Jesus was real. I knew He was real. But the whole Christian walk was difficult for me to walk those few months. I wanted to give up. I wanted to cash my coins in. I thought I was defeated.

Jesus thought otherwise. And I give Him all the praise for answering those questions and putting peace in my heart. I was running and got winded; I got a spiritual cramp. A cramp so bad I was on my knees and trying to throw in the towel. But the Lord in all His goodness, was on the sidelines, cheering me on. He was begging for me to get up and shake the cramp out. He encouraged me and told me better things were in store if I would only GET UP.

This week has been the stretch for my cramp. I've lifted my arms and stretched my hands to Him. He lifted me up and struck the match again. The fire is burning bright again! I feel rejuvinated and revived! I feel like myself again, praise the LORD!!!!

Now onto my next two topics: just a little update...

Ireland. I am not going. Scholarships are minimum and without them, I couldn't go. Even with the scholarships, I would be $759 short and that doesn't factor in the "personal expenses" of $600 they claim I need for two weeks (say what?!.) Yea I know. Talked to my mom about it and she said it was a very mature decision for me to make. I said I would save my money and every paycheck I got from here on out, a little would be put aside for Europe in general. She made me feel better (like always) because it was looming over my head and it was just one of those decisions I had to share with her. Even when I was praying for the trip, that God would provide, there was something telling me I wasn't going. In my stubbornness I didn't possibly think God could say no to such a great opportunity. His thoughts and ways are higher, yes? Yes. I could pray all I want but deep down I knew He didn't want me to go. Well, not that He didn't want me to go but that it wasn't His time for me to enjoy the beauty that is Ireland. And let's face it, I don't want to go if He's not there. He's everywhere, I know. But, it's different when it's His ultimate will. I know what that feels like, to be in the center of His will because I was in it over the summer. Was it easy? Heck no. But it was what He wanted me to do and that's what ultimately kept me going. It was because He knew the lives He would be able to touch through me and it worked out!

Now though, is not the time for me to go. There's something grand planned for summer '10 I know. Whenever He says no to what we want, He was bigger things in store. Amen? Amen.

Onto this...husband business. You know how I was really hesitant about this whole thing? Check out two posts from this one. You'll see what I'm sayin'. Well, I talked to Jesus last night and while I was praying, the guy's face kept getting stronger and stronger and I stopped praying. I said, "Lord, You can't be doing this to me. I just got done liking this other guy. I don't want to like this guy so quickly! You have to stop this." I was pleading and then something told me I was getting out of control. I offered up my hands, took all the thoughts of the guy out of my head and gave him back to God. He's not mine yet and before he's mine, he's firstly and foremost God's. He belongs to God and he's just a gift to me. I needed to realize that last night. Over-thinking took over my head yesterday and that wasn't healthy and I knew it. Therefore, I gave him and the idea of him back to God. The Lord has everything covered. Whatever He deems necessary will happen. His will be done.

Well, I think that's it. A semi-long post but so many wonderful things are happening and I want to keep y'all updated as much as possible. Thanks so much for tapping into my life and reading my daily ramblings and sometimes unorganized and helter-skelter thoughts. It can't be easy, I know.

I love you, readers. Each and every God-given one of ya's.

Education IS innovation!!

I always feel like I have been completely and utterly submersed in new ideas when I walk out of my Business of News class. Dr. Syb is totally out of the norm. She's quirky and never stays on the same idea for more than 30 seconds. The class is totally based on discussion and what the students care about. She doesn't teach out of a textbook. Instead, she gets outside materials and has us read and discuss, opening our eyes through discussion, videos, audio tracks, websites, news sites. She writes our epiphanies on the board and having us delve in that idea deeper and deeper until we leave appreciating being taught how to be mavericks in a society that is wanting and pleading for more and an industry that is stuck in their geezer ways, dumb and stubborn as mules.

We talked about how our industry has become lazy. We listened to some audio of Michael Moore's take on why the newspapers are dying out like the dinosaurs. He compared US papers with those of Europe and Asia. See, Europe and Asia rely on circulation rather than advertisment. In other words, they rely on the readership. You know, the people who actually read the newspaper? Not just the ones who really don't care what's in the pages but just that their name is printed inside those pages? The US is the exact OPPOSITE. We have become lazy and narrow-minded. Our thoughts are "Well, if you can't make money don't do it." That thought is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. My parents say that and it's so sad because it's like, if I'm in an industry that was once considered a public good, what GOOD is it doing if my newspaper isn't being read, isn't being consumed by the public?

It's a public humiliation!

Moore then went political and talked about education, how the majority of Americans read at a 4-5th grade level, comprehension is just as bad. The newspapers endorsed the Republican party who, Moore claims, tries to destroy education. First of all, the newspapers shouldn't be endorsing anyone. Objectivity, anyone? Anyone? So that's their first "uh-duh moment". Second, if newspapers are supposed to be educating, why dumb down the news? Why give just a certain take on the issue? No wonder no one's reading! Also, journalists are being laid off. Therefore, the different beats aren't getting reported. The things the community deems necessary and important aren't being reported. A bunch of monkeys in the works, I swear. So the newspaper stats are as follows:

1) No one is being educated.

2) No one is being catered to.

3) There's no objectivity.

Three strikes and you're OUT, newspapers.

1) Education

I had an idea in class. Instead of dumbing the news down, how about using educated language and in a sidebar, including words people may not know the meanings of and put the meanings. Sort of like a sidebar dictionary for every article. Yea, it may take longer, but then people know how to use the words and they're learning something. They're able to retain the information better because it's right there. A girl in my class said "Or just spell out dictionary" In other words, she said you should tell them to look it up in the dictionary. But see, that's lazy for us as journalists. If we want people to read, we need to give them what they need not just say, "Here, we wrote it. It's your responsibility to look up the words." Give it to them! You're giving them NEWS why not give them EDUCATION? Everyone knows no one sits with a dictionary next to them while reading. It takes too long to look up the word. If the meanings were on the side of the article, they could stop where they were reading, and look to the side for the meaning. It would  be right there, accessible. It's not laziness. We would be educating them and they would feel better about themselves because they're educated. They can use the words in their everyday vocabulary and feel a sense of worth and purpose.

2) Catering

What up with the big wigs taking away our jobs? I suppose y'all are planning on going and doing some reporting for yourselves for once to make up for the lost jobs? Hello, we're journalists. It's our JOB to go out into the community and report on what is going on. People want that. They want to read things that are relevant to their daily lives. You get rid of those things, you get rid of readership. You get rid of high circulation, you get rid of the newspaper. It's a vicious cycle, one the newspaper industry has willingly thrown itself in. Get your fat rear ends up, give journalists their jobs back, and stop thinking about your pockets and start thinking about the people. If you change your mindset and focus on people, your pockets won't be empty. DUH!

3) Objectivity

This makes me want to scream. There's that mindset of if you watch CNN you're liberal. If you watch Fox News, you're a conservative republican. CNN vs. Fox. Red vs. Blue. What happened to the idea of working together to find common ground and the real truth to the stories? Instead of working against each other, work WITH each other. You'd get way more accomplished and get more viewers because you would be reporting from an unbiased, objective manner. That's how the industry is supposed to be. The opinions are for the people to make not you making the opinions for them.

This class has opened my eyes to some awesome stuff. I could probably write until my fingers fell off. Alas, I have to finish up and start reading for my other classes.

Unsettling...?

Back in August and again in November I think (?) I wrote about my "woman's intuition". It seems as though it's not panning out the way I predicted it to. It's not truly my intuition but it's my heart...either my heart or my head. A few more days and prayers will have to determine where this stuff is coming from.
I say 'stuff' because I really don't know if I should be calling these things feelings or thoughts since I don't know where they're coming from.
Let me explain...

A few nights ago I was praying after my devotions. I always pray before I go to bed. If I don't, I can't sleep until God and I have our conversation. It's just a certain routine we have going on; it works. ANYWAY, the Lord laid it on my heart to begin praying for my future husband. As I was praying for my family, He gave me the thought of praying for him. Hey, why not? In a few years, he WILL be my family, right? So I prayed for him: that God would encourage and strengthen him, that he would be the best Christian man he could be. I also prayed that God would let him know I'm thinking about and praying for him. That I love him.

As I was praying though, someone's face popped into my head and it wasn't the face I was expecting. It was a face from left field! I shrugged the face out of my head. Last night, I prayed a similar prayer for my future hub and the same face came into my mind! I finished my prayer and I was like "Goodness. Where'd he come from?!" It's just completely random. It's a face I know but the personality behind the face is foreign to me. I haven't gotten a chance to know him.

Oh my gosh! And then during the faith and development convo tonight, I was spacing out a bit. I leaned forward in my chair and rested my chin on my hand. Next thing I know, I can't hear the speaker and his face came into my mind and...get this. We were dating! Er...we were at least "together". Though I'm thinking we were dating. That just seems to fit.

But when I think about it, I just don't see us fitting. If there is an...us. I mean, I think he's cute but I would think it's completely and utterly random if we ever got together. It would definitely have to be a God thing. If God is trying to tell me something, I'm sure I'm ready. He wouldn't give me more than I could handle so I'm thinking maybe He knows I'm ready for something like this.

But it's just so RANDOM!

Ooh I caps locked and bold-faced it. SA-NAP!

I believe I'm freaking out. Yea, just a tad. My whole control thing is shattering. I thought the one guy was the one for me. Now this one comes out of nowhere.

Is that how it happens? Love?

If so, this is gonna be a bumpy ride, folks.



Hold on to your hats and I'll hold on to my heart.

Cloudy Sunday

God blessed us with a cool rock show last night. Lightning and thunder rumbled in the night. I was waiting for one of those big ol' cracks of thunder that seem to rumble your insides. I suppose God didn't want to startle us too much ;) I had just finished my prayer and turned my head to the wall to sleep and then a flash of lightning lit my wall. I turned my head to look out the window. I felt so at peace, watching the fog roll in at 2am and little flashes of light. Rain was gently falling and trees were dancing in the wild wind. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and realize your life is so minute compared to God's magnificence and His amazing plans for our lives.

Worries and the stupid things of life just melted from my mind. As my eyes became heavy, my last sight was the sky, orange from the city lights and the black of the trees. You know how God doesn't speak in the bursts of sounds but the quiet voice? He spoke to me in those moments and said everything was gonna be alright.

Ash and I make our return to the photolab for her shift. We stay there from 5pm-11:30pm. Last week was fun because no one was in there so we could goof and carry on. This week though I'm thinking more students are going to use the lab since the semester is in full swing. Ah well. It was fun while it lasted.

I have some philosophy to read and my business of news stuff obviously. I'm probably going to start looking for AVP sound effects and such for my audio project. I pray everything goes smoothly. Recording voices won't be too difficult. It's trying to find what I want and need to make it perfect.

Oh! I'm working the desk for United For Change. We're setting up a donations station for Haiti. If you're in Massey for any of your classes, come on over between 1-3pm. Stop by, say hey ;), and DONATE! Together we can mak a difference. Amen? Amen.

Sadly, though, the Haitian gov't decided to stop the search and rescue. I don't understand why they stopped. Just yesterday search and rescue teams dragged a dude out from a toppled store. He survived by crawling under a desk, eating cookies and drinking cola. There are people still out there! I don't understand how they can just give up. It's just heartbreaking. The camps can still use the money. Food, water and medical supplies are in desperate supply. Doctors fear disease will soon consume the camps because there are so many stranded. People have the option of going to more rural areas where there's already extreme poverty. It's very bleak right now for the people. God has everything under control so He will provide. Matthew 6, right?

Continue to pray for Haiti, y'all!

Enjoy your Sunday and the last week of January! (Gee whiz! Where'd the month go?!)