Christmas...

Christmas. Just the word sends shivers of excitement down my spine! I can't wait to go home and bake cookies, sing Christmas carols, put up the tree, and, again, be in wonderment about the greatest gift God gave us. This Christmas is different because 1) I'm not home to help decorate (though my family better leave the tree alone, in its box, until I'm home to help decorate it) and 2) it's my first Christmas where I'm an actual adult. YIKES!
you know, it's so weird calling myself an adult. Is there some sort of change that takes place as soon as you turn 18? What defines an adult from a kid? I still feel like a kid, a teenager. I guess in some sense i am because i am eight-TEEN. But, here i am, in college making my own life, but I'm still supposed to (and feel i must) go back home and perhaps salvage what childhood memories still remain within me...
Back to how much i love Christmas! haha. I made a list for my parents before i left for college after thanksgiving. sure, it's a bit early but I'm not wasting money on postage stamps to mail out a Christmas list so i made one before i left. The list is very short. I really just want the music, movies, and a new Bible. However, what i really want can't be wrapped in a box. I want the man I've liked ever since i laid eyes on him in august. Now, i know what you're thinking. "August? That's too short a time. And of course you'll want him. It's Christmas--a season of peace and LOVE." Though i do concur with the former statement, yes it has been a short while, I'm not wanting him just because it's Christmas. There's something different about him, about the whole event of liking him. For the first time in my life, i have been totally comfortable around him. I feel relaxed and at ease when I'm around him. I don't feel as if i have to prove myself or make myself a certain way. There's gotta be some meaning to that. I was always shy, but with him i can totally be me without fear of him not liking me.
Maybe it's my confidence level. But, i know in my heart there's gotta be something more to this. I just don't hang around guys or hang on to guys like other girls. I pick and choose the ones I'm interested in and slowly go after them, timidly slow. But with him, i can't really see me with anyone else. I try but I can't. sure, I comment on how cute a random guy is, who doesn't? But as far as seeing myself with anyone else, or liking anyone else, i think he's it. I think if nothing became of us I would have to move to a different country! He's just so indescribably honest and thoughtful and self-sacrificing. He loves Jesus with all his heart and you can just see it! I really don't think I would ever think I deserve him. I don't deserve half the things I have but I have them anyway. Maybe he could be the same.
I've prayed about the situation almost every night. I go to bed thinking about him. Yes, I'm pouring out my heart right now. There's just so much I can't express. I really can't define what this is. I've tried to use the word love but that's not it. Not yet. It's more along the lines of adoration and affection towards him.
Yes, I've made a list but what are materials? Where will materials get you? Besides getting the new Bible, I could care less if I truly got anything else. I've never wanted anyone like this in my life. It's scary but exciting. This Christmas, I want something that can't be put in a box.

What I really want is him.