change... are you serious?!

what does the word 'change' truly mean? according to the dictionary on my computer: change--"to become different, or make something or somebody different." this word is spoken by my classmates almost every single week. "guys, we need to change. we need to be unified. we need to set an example..." blah blah blah. i would take it seriously, if the words they spoke really MEANT anything to them. i think all they want to do is sound poetic because as soon as theyre done with their little shpeal they're off making fun and putting others down. why should i change when you, our chaplain, goes around doing obscene gestures, speaks about doing stuff to girls, speaking nasty to people, why should i change? see the problem is anyone can SPEAK. it's the DOING that gets their panties in a bunch. he also says we have our own groups. let me explain: in our senior class of 33 there are three "groups": church kids, afro-americans, then my group:a mixture of black, korean, white. my group isn't really a group. we couldnt get into the church kids group so we formed our own. the afro-americans and we get along wonderfully! i have classes with the afro-american group and we laugh and play around and have a GRAND ol' time. i believe the only clique in our class are the church kids. wouldnt you agree? they are the only ones who are stubborn when it comes to unifying. but, oh, isn't that what they preach?
what saddens me is that i never thought the people i grew up with (i've been going to the same school since kindergarten), i never thought they would turn out so fake, so unwelcoming, so...disappointing. i guess i was blind to their real motives up until now. there definitely is a falling away from Jesus Christ and i'm really scared.
i want to care about all of them and want to miss them when i go off to college but i wont. and this saddens me because i've known some of them for SO LONG and to not even care if i see them again is heart-wrenching. but i'm only speaking the truth.
i wish there was a way to install a mini cam inside a pen or something and record people's conversations. what they say about people, situations, etc. then, one chapel service, show the video. expose their true colors for ONCE. i dont think they realize that everything they say, do, think is recorded by God but it would show them how mean and nasty they truly can be. is life center academy a christian school or not? are the students really "on fire" for God or is it just a cool phrase to put after your name on myspace as one of your interests? do you honestly take your relationship with Jesus Christ seriously, student body? it truly doesn't seem like it. so let's just stop the charade and open as a public school! it would be MUCH better being who you truly are than pretending to be something you are not.
wake up, class of '08 because it's a scary road you're trodding.

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i got my license today!!! WOHOOOO!!! the test? SUPER easy. no wonder there are sooo many bad drivers on the road; the test only lasts 5 minutes. but yea, i'm happy!

teens tonight but i'm not driving because jill wants to go and i cant drive with her in the car...not yet. that's basically it! have a super day, everyone who reads this!!!!

"YAYYYY"

disappointed.

yea okay, so i said it. but it needed to be said. and i really don't care if it came back into your ear because, honestly, you need to hear what your old friends now think of you. i can't believe how much you've changed. remember when we were so close; every day, while waiting for our rides, we would talk about practically everything. it seemed like there wasnt gonna be anything new to talk about since we spoke every day but there was. we hung out at school. you were like a 4th brother, honest to goodness you were. up until we left to start our 8th grade summer we were cool. we werent tight but we were friends.
then freshman year rolled around and you seemed...different. you were taller, thinner. i was scared that your personality changed as well. my fear was correct. they took notice of you and the ones who hardy spoke ONE WORD to you now were all over you. you soaked it up, tossing me and all your loyal friends aside, you went with them. in doing so, the way you spoke, acted, even laughed turned fake. though you did seem to change, i tried to hold on to those memories of long ago. but as time passed, i knew i had to forget and accept this new creation.
the quiet, caring, polite boy was the one i knew. but this? this rude, mean, and shallow guy? i don't know him. a few days ago, you did speak to me. but it was to tell me to shut up. my friend had to reprimand you. i acted as if i didnt care how you spoke to me but i do. because i remember the old days, it makes me sad and disappointed about what you've become.
i won't have anything to do with you while you're like this. however, if there is a change. if one day the lightbulb comes on and you wonder what you've done, you may come to me and i'll tell you exactly how i see you. maybe the words will sink in and you'll regret these lost years. or maybe you'll blow me off and continue to be the sad person you are. whatever you decide, know that i will always remember the old days. and a part of me still does care about you.










"broken. once connected"

wow i haven't updated ALL week! the busiest week so far...

Monday was the labor day fest at school. helped NHS food table for about 4 hrs. it wasnt as crazy as it was last year, maybe because they upped the prices. $3 for fries! can you believe that?! dude...but it was still fun. beth anne, jill, sery, and i hung around until practically everyone was gone. i took some pics of the baptismal for the yearbook since some of the students got baptized. im thinking about interviewing 3 of them, putting some of their quotes on a page or 1/4 of a page...we'll see.

speaking of yearbook, guess who the editor is for clubs/organizations? yup ME!!! you know how great that's gonna look on my apps? so excited! what does the editor for a small section like that do, you may ask? i get the final say in the layout, what makes it or breaks it, and i can also designate who does what. =) yay!!

senior pics were yesterday. SO the day before, thursday, i got my nails done. never had acryllics before so they still feel kind of weirdbut they do make an awesome clickity-click-click noise on the keyboard so that's neat. since my pic appointment was at 1:30 i was able to go back to the salon and have my aunt style my hair and do my makeup. at first i didn't want makeup because i wanted to be as natural as possible, but i agreed with my mom that the pictures should show a more glamorous me. i'm positive the pics will come out gorgeous because my head looked perfect! haha

before the styling. please excuse my sleepy eyes. it was the sun

after the styling. since i have short layers and thick hair my head looked amazing! thanks aunt sandy!!! and yes, you will get a picture ♥

after the pics, my mom and i had to rush to hamilton for my wisdom teeth evaluation. yes, the fateful day that my teeth will be YANKED out is oct 5th. i'm not worried about it because 1) the teeth haven't formed roots yet so it'll be wayyy easier to get them out 2) i'll be snoozin away in the chair so i won't know what's going on and 3) my mom reassured me the doc is very gentle...and he's pretty cute ;)
today is alan's 14th birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALAN!!! yesterday was gunner's 1st birthday and i'm a little bummed we weren't able to make it but there's just not enough hours in the day. besides, my mom was able to get an hour of sleep and dad had a meeting today. but, today is going to be fun. parents got alan this guitar playin' game. it includes a guitar but without any strings. the game plays the melodies of the songs but you have to hit the right notes on the guitar. alan saw it in best buy one day and told mom about it. when my parents returned some gym equipment, they swung over to best buy and bought it for him. can't wait to see his face when he opens it!!

start spreadin the news

my first performance was in a small A/G church in hamilton, nj during Christmas. 150-200 camera-shooting parents and relatives were in attendance. i had a small role: a tree-decorator, lamb, or something. throughout the years, my roles would be a bit bigger, a few solos here and there. looking out into the crowd, performing, stage lights resting on me, it was really fun. at the time, i thought it was just an activity, help out the church, share the Gospel of Jesus with strangers in a fun way.

i didn't know it would be so important.

my first taste of seeing a performance was at Sight and Sound in lancaster, pa. Noah was playing so my family made a day trip while on our way home from TN. the costumes and vivid colors of the stage caught my eye and captivated me until the very end.

still, i didn't know it would be so important.

june 06, my parents surprised me with tickets to go see Phantom of the Opera in nyc. a limo would take my mom, grandmoms, and me directly to the theatre (or anywhere we wanted to go, which was to olive garden then the theatre). i soaked up the royal treatment and was ecstatic to see the performance. i had already seen the movie and listened to the music, oh, five billion times, so i knew practically every song by heart. the 'music of the night' (or in our case, the afternoon) softly played in my mind for days and days.

i had a feeling it would be important.

another broadway show grabbed my attention: beauty and the beast. yes, it's a disney show, but it's my FAVORITE disney movie of all time! i HAD to go see it. for days upon weeks upon months, i begged my parents to get tickets. christmas came and YES i got them! my aunt, cousin, grandmom, mom, and i went (limo-less this time) on the train, nyc bound. beauty and the beast was amazing. didn't realize it could be so powerful, but a few tears were shed.

i sort of knew it would be important.

may 18, 2007. performing arts living room, LCA, my first high school performance. it was a hodge-podge of carol burnett sketches, my best friend had her first solo, and it ended with a christian skit called The Artist. the evening began with me and my friend dressed in very ugly dresses and makeup, Wallflowers. (i had very looong eyelashes, dark eye makeup, and a line of lipstick from my lips to the side of my cheek). everyone seems to remember it because of this really funny new yorker accent i did. after that, did a quick change into black skirt, white button down shirt, hair pined up in a bun, makeup perfect (believe me, it was a pain to try and get as much heavy makeup off as possible). from a desperate, single 40 yr old woman to a primmed and polished wife in Guess What's Coming to Dinner (son brings home a mermaid for a fiancee'. oh the horror!) after that, a quick change to hiker shorts, socks, sneakers, polo shirt, with a HUGE sombrero on my head, hair in pigtails. Alice Portnoy and the Bank Robbers. i was alice, a mischievious little girl, threatens bank robbers with blackmail if they don't comply with her wishes of getting as much money raised for the fireside girl's annual mexican fiesta. another quick change happened. flowy white skirt and blouse, hair down, barefoot. getting ready to be the Kneeler for The Artist. basically, i worship man instead of the One who created him. i was the one who began the doubt-in-God snowball effect. i think i did the most changes out of everyone. but it was fun.

i know for a fact it is important.

i can't get enough of theatre. i want to live and breathe the stage every single day. i want to feel the total serenity of an empty theatre right before a performance. the light tapping of my shoes as i walk, feeling the vibe. you know the excitement is there, perhaps hiding under the seats, waiting to mingle with the actors' and audiences' emotions. i'm aching to be on stage! i think we're planning another trip to nyc to see Little Mermaid and Mary Poppins. hoping to see Wicked very very soon. as for my career on stage, let's hope and pray an actual musical will take flight during senior year.